Michael De Santa's Dialogue

Greeting

 * Hey, pal.
 * Hey, man.
 * What‘s up, amigo?
 * Hey, buddy! What's up?
 * What's up, pal?
 * Hey, bro.
 * Hey.

Greeting Women

 * Hi.
 * Hello, and how are you?

Greeting Cops

 * Hi, officer.
 * Well, hello, officer.

Greeting Poor/Homeless

 * Hey, take care of yourself.

Greeting Male Hipsters

 * Great, another hipster...
 * What's your problem, you hip-cock?

Greeting Female Hipsters

 * Hey there, she-hipster.

Greeting Hippies

 * Peace, brother.

If Greeted Back

 * Oh, hey.
 * Yeah, how are you?

Insults

 * Hey, you! Really?!
 * You know what? You are one nasty fuck!
 * What exactly is wrong with you?
 * You make me wanna puke!
 * When I say you suck, I mean you really suck!
 * You're really making my skin crawl!
 * You should get some help with that personality of yours!
 * You define everything that's wrong with this place!
 * You know what, you should see a doctor for that shit!
 * I just hope you have proper hatred for yourself!

Insults (Angry)

 * YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC!
 * WHY DO YOU EXIST?!
 * YOU'RE AN IRRELEVANT PRICK!
 * YOU SHIT!
 * YOU SUCK!
 * THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT TO YOU!
 * WHY ARE YOU STILL BREATHING?!
 * HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE?!
 * YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
 * YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL!

If Threatened

 * Fuck you!
 * Fuck off!
 * Why don't you fuck off?
 * Go fuck yourself.
 * Yeah, you! Fuck off! Now!

Starting A Fight

 * It's on!
 * Come on, then!
 * Let's roll, fuckhead!
 * This oughta be interesting!
 * Remember, I'm a bad person!

Starting A Fight (Angry)

 * HIT ME THEN!
 * YEAH?!
 * RUN AWAY FROM ME!
 * COME ON!
 * YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!

Knocking Someone Down

 * Come on, get up! I'm having fun!
 * Oh, you want to keep going?! I'm still fresh!
 * Ain't this a kick in the pants?
 * Really?! You want some more?

Knocking NPC Down In A Fight (Angry)

 * STAY DOWN!
 * STAY THE FUCK DOWN!
 * ARE WE FINISHED?!
 * STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!
 * FUCK YOU!

Talking To A Corpse

 * So sorry.
 * Now maybe you'll shut up and listen.
 * Next time you'll listen. Well, you know what I mean.
 * Sorry about that...

Talking To A Corpse (Angry)

 * AND NOW YOU'RE HISTORY!
 * OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT!
 * WELP, THAT'S THAT!
 * SORRY!

Gaining A Wanted Level

 * Great, cops. Fucking beautiful.
 * Ah, just in case I'm not having enough fun already!
 * Ah, crap!

Spooked

 * What the fuck?!
 * Oh my god!
 * Jesus!
 * Damn!
 * Shit!

Irritated

 * Ah, crap!
 * Ah, shit!
 * Ah, for fuck's sake!
 * What is this shit?
 * What is this bullshit?
 * Fuck!
 * Motherfucker!
 * Shit!
 * Damn!
 * Oh, the fuck?
 * Ah, this is total bullshit!

If Hurt

 * Argh, Jesus!
 * Aw, shit!
 * Aw, fuck!
 * Oh… man! Ow!
 * Aw, man, that, fuck...
 * Aw, crap! That hurt.

If Player Bumping At Michael (Hangouts)

 * You got a good reason for that?
 * Well, that was cute!
 * Try that again!
 * Oh, so now you're a tough guy!

If Player Points A Gun At Michael (Hangouts)

 * Oh, I got one too!
 * Holster it!
 * Put it away!

Robbing A Store

 * Stay calm and clean out your register!
 * No heroics! Just give me what's in the register!
 * Clean out that register now!
 * Give me whatever you got in the register!

Shooting At The Cashier While Robbing A Store

 * Come on, faster!
 * I'm waiting!

After Drinking Sprunk

 * That did the trick!
 * Now that was nice!
 * That hit the spot!

Engine Failure

 * Come on...
 * Start up, you piece of shit!
 * Let's go! Fuck!

Engine Failure (Agitated)

 * ARGH! FUCKING START!
 * COME ON!
 * NOT NOW!

Stealing A Car

 * Move! Move! Let's move!
 * Get the fuck out of here!
 * Sorry, but I need this!
 * Alright, let's go!
 * I'm gonna be using your car!
 * Keep coolio baby, it's just a car!
 * Ah, it's insured, don't be a dick.
 * Don't act like a tough guy!
 * Come on, bro! Time to move!
 * Vamos the car, amigo!

Stealing A Car (Woman Driver)

 * Sorry, lady! Nothing personal.
 * I need to borrow your car, lady!
 * Forgive me, sweetheart!
 * Come on, lady! Don't fight it!

Stealing A Car (Agitated)

 * Oh, stay cool, pal!
 * GET OUT, BUDDY!
 * DON'T BE A DICKHEAD!
 * DON'T BE A FUCKING HERO!
 * GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR!
 * OUT!

Stealing A Car (Agitated) (Woman Driver)

 * MOVE THAT SWEET ASS!
 * GET OUT OF HERE, BITCH!
 * OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR, LADY!

Stealing A Car (Dead Driver)

 * I hate to do this.
 * Sorry, pal.
 * The dead don’t drive.
 * I hope you didn't shit yourself.

Stealing A Car (Dead Driver) (Agitated)

 * Very sorry!
 * Excuse me!

Stealing A Bike

 * Say, can I borrow your bike for a minute? Or six?
 * Don't mind if I borrow this for awhile, do you?
 * Sorry about this, not really.

Stealing A Bike (Angry)

 * I need that bike!
 * Get off that thing!
 * Gimme the fucking bike!

Near Misses (Driving)

 * You got lucky, buddy!
 * Woo, too close!
 * Oh!
 * Shit!
 * Look out!

Near Misses (Driving while agitated)

 * DAMN!
 * SHIT!
 * FUCK!

Car Crashes

 * Hey, the car!
 * This was a nice car!
 * I like this car!
 * Hey, you hit me!
 * You know how much this car costs?!
 * Hey, you selfish prick!
 * So you're gonna drive into me?!
 * You... Fucking dick!
 * You fool!
 * I've seen some bad drivers, but you, whoa-ho-ho!
 * Oh, you screwed up my car!
 * You entitled piece of shit!

Car Crashes (Agitated)

 * I ain't got time to swap details, asshole!
 * I ain't got time for this crap right now!
 * Goddamnit! Fuck! Not the car!
 * Not now!
 * You fucking idiot!

If Player Hits A Jump Driving (Hangouts)

 * Oh, baby you went off that thing!
 * Whoo! You hit that jump!

If Player Runs Someone Over (Hangouts)

 * They okay?
 * Nice work!

If Player Crash The Car (Hangouts)

 * Hey no more of that!
 * Fucking idiot!
 * Be careful!
 * Calm it down!
 * Chill the fuck out!
 * Hey, Hey!

Buying A Drink

 * That one, please.
 * Hey, gimme another.
 * Yeah, that one.
 * I’ll take another of those.
 * Same again.
 * I’ll take that.

Shooting Someone

 * Alright! Let's do this thing!
 * Ain't this nice?
 * Are we having fun now?
 * I guess this is how you like it, huh?
 * I know, I know, it ain't fucking cool!
 * Come on, asshole!
 * Come on! Kill me, I need something to talk to my shrink about.
 * I guess I'm not having a very good day!
 * I guess this is how the fuck it is!
 * Yeah, I'm an old fatass fucker with a gun!

Shooting Someone (Angry)

 * FUCK THIS!
 * ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, PEOPLE!
 * AIN'T THE AMERICAN DREAM GRAND?!
 * AIN'T THIS A BARREL OF FUN?!
 * COME ON, MOTHERFUCKERS, SHOOT ME BACK!
 * YOU THINK YOU FUCKING SCARE ME?!
 * HEY! YOU WANT ME?! KILL ME!
 * FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING FUCKS!
 * YEAH?
 * YEAH? YEAH?!
 * FUCK OFF!
 * COME ON, THEN!
 * OH YEAH, LET’S DO THIS THING!
 * UH HUH! WHAT?! YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?!

If Player Kills A Threat (Hangouts)

 * That was a fine shot!
 * Nice work!
 * You got it!

If Michael Is Assisted In A Shootout (Hangouts)

 * Thank you.
 * Thanks. Appreciate it.

Telling Player To Stay In Cover (Hangouts)

 * Keep your head down!
 * Stay down!
 * Stay in cover!

If Player Starts A Fight (Hangouts)

 * Go on, you got this idiot!
 * Come on! Finish this crap!

Bumping Into NPC

 * Excuse me!
 * Hey, sorry!
 * Look out!

Bumping into NPC (Agitated)

 * MOVE, WILL YA?
 * GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!
 * COME ON, MOVE!

Running Someone Over

 * Oh shit, sorry!
 * Get out the fucking way!
 * Oh, sorry about that.
 * Forgive me!
 * Sorry!

Running Someone Over (Agitated)

 * WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!
 * SORRY! NOT REALLY!
 * AHH... FUCK!
 * DAMNIT, SHIT!

Flirting With A Stripper

 * Baby!
 * You are great!
 * Mmm! Peach body oil! Greatest smell in the world!
 * Please, just don't tell me your life story!
 * You... I'm... This is... Life is good!

Beginning Darts Game

 * How about some arrows?

Losing at Righteous Slaughter 7 (Switch Scenes)

 * Fuck this shit! Ah, seriously.

If Spooked Or Assaulted (Hangouts)

 * You are out of control!
 * Oh, you're psycho you know that!

Knocking Out The Player

 * Okay, your choice, funny guy.
 * Alright, alright. You win.
 * Alright then, come on!

Entering Safehouse In Act I

 * Honey, I’m home.
 * Hey, big daddy’s home, as if anyone gives a shit.
 * Anyone wanna pour daddy a whiskey? No?
 * The guy who pays the bills is here.
 * Is peace and quiet too much to ask for?
 * Daddy’s home.

Entering Safehouse In Act II

 * Hello?
 * Anyone?
 * Anyone come back?
 * Just a big empty house.
 * Ah, I'm never gonna get used to the silence.

Entering Safehouse After Reuniting The Family

 * Oh, family, I’m home.
 * Hey, your dad’s back.
 * Daddy’s back, bitches.
 * Big daddy in the house.
 * I’m still alive, in case you’re wondering.
 * Yeah, it was a tough day at the office, thanks for asking.

Witnessing NPC Police Chase

 * Oh, it ain’t us they're after.
 * Oh, man, I'm getting jumpy. Those sirens weren't for us.

Getting Car Stolen

 * Argh, give me a break!
 * Bad idea!
 * I’d advise against that course of action!

Getting Car Stolen (Angry)

 * Ah, fuck off!

If Franklin Follows Him

 * Stop stalking me, kid.
 * Hey, I’m serious. Get lost.
 * Hey, back off, kid.
 * Seriously, stop the stalking.
 * Hey, kid, what is this, some kind of big joke?
 * Will you fuck off?
 * What is this a joke, kid?
 * Are you following me, kid?
 * I ain’t finding this funny.

If Trevor Follows Him

 * Listen, will you stop following me?
 * T, give me a break.
 * Alright, that’s enough - just fuck off.
 * Will you fuck off, T? Seriously.
 * Will you fuck off, T?
 * Are you following me?
 * T, stop fucking following me.
 * Seriously, fuck off.
 * Can you please stop following me?

Shooting All Nearby Enemies

 * Who’s next?! Anyone?

Shooting All Nearby Enemies (Angry)

 * I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!
 * ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!
 * YEAH, I GUESS THAT’S THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!

If The Player Accidentally Shoots Michael (Hangouts)

 * You just fucking shot me!
 * Ah, you capped me, you prick!

Requesting Backup During Hangouts

 * Can somebody help me?!
 * I’m in trouble here!
 * I need some help here!
 * Hey! I need a hand!
 * Drop what you're doing and get your ass over here!

Hailing A Cab

 * Oh, taxi!
 * Cab!
 * Taxi, here!

Hurrying Taxi Driver

 * Let’s go!
 * Come on! Get the lead out!
 * Come on, buddy! Let’s go!

Running Over A Friend

 * Shit, shit, no!
 * No, no!
 * Ah, fuck, no!

When Near A Cinema (Hangouts)

 * We ain’t far from the movie theater. You wanna catch a flick?

If The Car Is Too Small For The Prostitutes

 * You know, this car ain't quite the party bus. Some other time.
 * Ah, hey I'll take a raincheck. This car ain't big enough.

Robbing A Store As An NPC (Hangouts)

 * Whatever he said!

Purchasing Vehicles Online

 * Fantastic.
 * Man, I love the Internet.

Running Over An Animal

 * And that's one for the pot!
 * I know what I'm having for dinner.
 * Natural fucking selection!
 * Wrong time to cross!
 * You should've heard me coming!
 * Evolve some ears!

Running Over An Animal (Angry)

 * MOVE! YOU STUPID ANIMAL!
 * MOVE, DUMB ANIMAL!